Unemployment

A typical day begins when my alarm clock’s snooze facility has tired itself out and all the good intentions of waking up early have dropped down through the hole in my bedroom floor. If it’s a good day I might start with a run or an exercise video, so I can feel some sense of achievement. If not, it starts with a fry up, because I have all the time in the world to cook bacon and eggs and toast.

I try to organise my time efficiently, to plan lots of things to do each day, but I quickly realise that I need to space these things out to fill up the time. One job each day, surrounded by humming, breathing, walking, tv, radio, chats, snacks, it’s surprising how the days can fill up and I almost begin to wonder how I managed to fit a full time job into my life.

I spend a few hours updating my CV, before sending it out to the three recruitment agencies that are working hard to find me a job. Two emails come back with an out-of-office reply as my consultants are on holiday and the third has no reply at all. It no longer surprises me that I have been out of work for a month now.

I email one company to check that they received my online application. They did not. I apply again.

I need to do three job-seeking activities each week to qualify for my job-seekers allowance. I worry that if I do many more than this I might run out of activities within a couple of weeks. I wonder if the government will allow me to roll-over my activities should I run out of routes to take to find work. Sorry Mr Cameron-Clegg but I applied for 100 jobs within the last two weeks and now there are no more jobs for me to apply for, can I still have my allowance next week?

Every other Friday I have my sign-in meeting at the Job Centre. I chat with a consultant about what I have been doing to find work. It turns out that he is only working under a temporary contract and is actually competing with me for the same jobs that I am applying for. He says that he thinks the interview he had that morning went really well. I feel quiet outrage.

Today, however, I received my first payment from the Department for Work and Pensions. £66.67. I’m not entirely sure what this means, I have not yet received the letter informing me of my entitlement, nor have I been told at any of my meetings. I don’t know how long this is supposed to last me. I book myself a hair cut for the next morning and order a couple of new dresses online. There, that was a fun way to fill up some time.

The Mastery of Murakami

Haruki Murakami: Kafka on the Shore

As captivated as I was by the gripping storyline, I forced myself to read slowly and savour the words of this book. Each phrase was considered and constructed in the most delightful prose that it needed to be fully appreciated. I could not just grab any spare five minutes at the bus stop to allow this story to unfold, I needed to make a pot of coffee, pick a sunny spot and allow myself time to pause and ponder every idea and event that the book gave me.

The book follows the lives of two very different men, different from each other and different from the rest of the world, each special in their own ways.

Kafka is 15 years old and unhappy. He runs away to try to escape a prophecy that his father once told him, unaware that he actually begins to run towards fulfilling it. His journey is one of self-discovery and coming-of-age; it charters his growing maturity whilst marvelling the preservation of those characteristics that he maintains, not a naivety, but a child-like inquisitiveness. He is also wonderfully insightful and literate.

Nakata is an old man with an unusual gift, his age and complete naivety contrast neatly against Kafka, stirring up all stereotypes. His ability to so calmly allow his life to be lead by external events requires great patience which can only be admired. His presence in the novel is a calming one, his life simple and enviable, at least until the turn of events take hold.

The presence of the library in the book also highlights the contrast between the two protagonists, one who adores the books and reads constantly and the other who cannot read at all. Both, however, feel a certain affinity with the building and its contents and both are deeply affected by it.

The Rice Bowl Hill incident is introduced to the story early on and is the first hint of something other-worldly in the book. Not usually one for science-fiction or fantasy, I found the inexplicable events in this book puzzling and exciting. I was tied to the book with my need for these events to be explained and was not disappointed with the perfect balance of explanation and silence, allowing me to draw my own conclusions in a partially-informed manner.

The storyline itself is extremely imaginative and original. It weaves and creates a complex web of details and events that never once bores. But it is the writing that got me, the mastery of Murakami. Simple meals sound delicious, basic tasks become extraordinary, yet fish falling from the sky almost seems normal. Philip Gabriel’s translation keeps all the beauty and ingenuity of the original Japanese text and Murakami’s western influences make the book extremely accessible for a Japanese culture novice.

The newspapers quoted on the front of the book sum up the book in the three most appropriate words: Spellbinding, Addictive and Wonderful.

Kafka on the Shore is published by Vintage Books and is out in paperback now.

Escapism

Escapism is something that has been on my mind a lot lately.

Drugs. Alcohol. Cigarettes. No, dancing. Dancing is the most effective escape plan. To go to a club night full of Motown classics and to dance like no-one is watching is the most effective and brilliant way to escape from everything that you know to be your normal boring life.

It’s like riding on a zip-wire. For that moment, the wind is in your face, you grip tightly to the rope and all that matters is making sure that you don’t fall off. It doesn’t matter that you might be falling off your course in life. It doesn’t matter that your love life may be falling apart. As long as you hold on tight to that zip wire and enjoy that ride, everything will be fine.

Like dancing to that music, as long as you keep in time to the beat and keep your mind focused on the melody, nothing else matters.

Nothing else matters. That is the best feeling isn’t it? Your work means nothing, your day to day chores around the house have no meaning or consequence. Your partner? They don’t care about you. All that matters is that you lose yourself in the moment, that moment of frivolity and unnecessary fun. That’s what counts. That’s what your whole life has climaxed to in that moment and for those one or two seconds you feel free. Free from financial concern, free from responsibility. Free from anyone or anything that has ever made you feel inadequate. That doesn’t matter. You are a sole being, in charge of your life and your happiness. Does it matter that it’s so transcendent that it only lasts a few mere seconds? Perhaps, perhaps not. What matters is that it happens and that you notice it. Not only notice is but take stock, take a photograph in your mind to capture that moment that life escaped you and you felt only pure bliss.

If only more moments would feel like that.

And now for something a little different...

A crossroad.

When you are at a point in your life where self-esteem is at an all time low, it can be incredibly difficult to make certain decisions. It is hard to know when to trust yourself to make the right one and how to be certain that that path you choose to take will get you to where you want to go, especially when you are not entirely sure where you want that path to lead.

Sometimes you can let others make the decision for you. If you get offered a certain opportunity, then you take it, end of, they make the choice and you live with it. If that advert comes on one more time during the course of the film, you will buy that product. If you see two magpies, you will have a good day. Putting decisions into other hands can make you feel better for a time, but how do you know that their hands are more capable than your own?

In some circumstances, you put the choice into someone else’s hands and then they pick the route that you know you don’t want to take. Then what? Sometimes you can’t get that decision making power back and you are stuck going down a road you never ever wished to travel, just because you couldn’t summon up the courage to say what you really wanted.

But the worst situation is when you know exactly what you want and you simply don’t have the power to make it happen. You can let indecision rule the rest of your life and you can spend every day unable to decide between coffee and tea but when you know what you want and someone else takes that option away from you, you can crumble.

A wise woman once taught me a great technique for decision making. She said that you have emotional reasons and practical reasons for giving two options pros and cons between them. She told me to list all of these in a kind of Venn diagram. Once you have done this, exhausting all possibilities, thoughts and arguments, you just sit back, close your eyes and mull it over. After time, your emotional mind and your practical mind will give way to the part of you which just knows what the right choice is. This is the knowing mind or wise mind. You can then make your decision.

Ultimately, when it comes down to it, we all have the ability to make a choice whether we feel confident enough to or not. You weigh up your emotional reasons and you weigh up the practical reasons but something has to give, something has to carry more weight. For me, it has always been happiness, always striving to make the choices that won’t make me wealthy or give me the best career, but the choice that will simply make me happy.

The more I strive sometimes I think the more I push happiness away. It needs to be thought out in simple terms. What would I like to do every day? Be with someone who loves me. This doesn’t seem to be an option at the moment. What’s the second best option? To love myself. How do I do that? By doing something that I love every day.

This is why I have today handed in my notice at work. This is why I am giving up a job during the recession to follow my dream and go to drama school. This is one decision where, as long as it has taken me to get my head around, I didn’t need a Venn diagram to know my path.

SM.

Movin' Melvin Brown (Bath Chronicle Review)

The Mission Theatre

To pull off a one man show is a hefty task, but it is one which the charismatic Movin’ Melvin Brown achieves effortlessly. In one night he takes the audience on a journey that has taken him 65 years. He tells us stories of his life and loves, intertwining this story with the history of black music. He sings not only the songs which illustrate the key moments of his life, but also those which get the audience tapping their feet and clapping along. His impersonation of his local minister was a particular highlight.

But Movin’ Melvin Brown is not only a singer, he is also an extraordinary tap dancer, dancing his way from Chubby Checker to Michael Jackson. He is a comedian and his anecdotes of time in the army and touring on the road, lend themselves to some wonderful jokes that had the entire audience smiling a smile that could almost rival that of Melvin’s himself.

But Melvin is more than just music. Melvin is a man with a mission and a message. He may entertain in a good old fashioned way, but his message is about the modern world that we live in...

Movin’ Melvin Brown was on at the Mission Theatre from 28^th May to the 5^th June 2001

This review was published in the Bath Chronicle on the 3^rd June 2010.

Bug (Bath Chronicle Review)

Patchwork Penguin Productions

My skin is still crawling as I refer to my notes and see a bug squashed in the corner, no doubt killed as I clutched my pad during a more action filled part of the play. This is not a play for the squeamish not the second half at least, but this is a play for those with an interest in entomology, conspiracy theories, paranoia or jumping out of their skin at a harsh knock on the door.

At first Peter, played by Jeremy Fowlds, is a bit of an enigma, one moment he seems a little slow, the next somewhat eloquent. What does emerge, however, is that in the scenes of raw madness and in his moving monologue, he was perfectly cast. He also had great chemistry with Agnes, played by Alexia Jones, which developed throughout the play. She had purposefully ‘hermatized’ herself and the audience were forced to ride her emotional rollercoaster as she was manipulated by one man, then another.
R.C. (Lisa Thrower) showed genuine concern and emotional attachment to Agnes whilst Jerry (Darian Nelson) frighteningly seemed to enjoy his role as her antagonist.

This play is as relevant today as ever, highlighting the effect of a government with an increasing need for security, causing paranoia amongst those who may or may not have a predisposition towards it. Don’t let this Bug crawl away without taking a closer look.


Bug was on at the Rondo Theatre from 26-29th May 2010.
This review was printed in the Bath Chronicle on the 27th May 2010.

Waiting... waiting...

We have worked for eleven weeks preparing Ring Round the Moon for the Rondo Theatre this week. We have rehearsed three times a week, until late into the night, making sure that every word of the script is said with the right meaning, the right intonation and the right emotion.

Now, as I refresh the Bath Chronicle review page every two minutes, I wonder if the hard work has paid off. I wonder if the enjoyment that we have shows through to the audience. I wonder if we have enough pace, enough jokes, enough food for thought.

The play is set in 1910 in a Chateau in France, the main characters are twins Hugo and Frederic, completely alike in their appearance, but so different in every other way. Hugo plots away the evening so that he can break up the engagement of his brother Frederic and Diana, a glamorous wealthy woman, who is also spoilt beyond belief. Hugo hires a young ballet dancer, Isabelle, to try to lure Frederic away, so that Hugo can... well, we are not really sure of Hugo’s motives at first.

The whole evening is set on the evening of a ball with Hugo and Frederic’s Aunt overseeing the events. She is prone to a little scheme or two herself which wonderfully ties in Isabelle’s mother and also her companion Capulet who both bring such wonderful romance and fairy tale dreams into the play.

Of course we cannot forget Diana’s father Messerschman, a rich old Jew who has more money than happiness, his mistress Lady India is having an affair with his private secretary, Patrice, and not even his noodles can keep his spirits up.

Last, but most certainly not least, we have the butler, Joshua, who delivers my most favourite line of the play. But you will have to come and see it to hear that.

The play has the most fabulous costumes and set and I am incredibly lucky to be a part of it. I personally love the darker side of the play, hidden behind the comedy and wit there are the ideas that money cannot buy happiness, of a want to climb the social ladder and the problems and hurt that one can go through when they fall in love with the wrong person.

Whilst I write this, I have refreshed the review page numerous times and still the review has not been put on the website. I am almost more nervous than I sometimes am before going on stage. I know that the review doesn’t matter, because I know that the play is a success. The cast are happy, my friends and family who have already seen it are happy, and there is not much more I can ask for than that.

But a little piece of me wants this review to love it too, not content with the well wishes and compliments of friends I feel that I need to see it in writing. Of course if I didn’t know that there was going to be a review, I wouldn’t feel this need at all. To be a critic and an actress at the same time is an odd thing. I will contemplate the position a little more as I continue to wait... and click ‘refresh’.

Ring Round the Moon is on at the Rondo Theatre from Wednesday 21st April 2010 to Saturday 24th April 2010 at 7.30pm